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How can I let people know where
I am registered?
Word of mouth is really only the "proper" way
to inform people where you are registered. You really must
wait until they ask you or other family members. All friends
and family members should be told where you are registered
so they can inform others when asked.
You can also include a link to your registry on a website
that is "about the couple." You can create one
of these sites for free on a few common wedding pages, but
my favorite is www.theknot.com. You can include the link
to your site (NOT directly to the registry) on informal
announcements and say "learn more about the happy couple
at http://www.theknot.com/co_pwpa.htm?coupleid=00000000
or www.theknot.com
and search for Jane Doe or John Doe."
Today, many brides are including cards from the Department
Store where they are registered in their shower invitation.
However, this is still NEVER done in the wedding invitation.
How can I ask for money instead of a gift?
Actually, there is NO way of asking for money as wedding
gifts in lieu of something else without being tacky. I'm
afraid this is a cardinal rule of etiquette that must be
taken seriously.
The only thing you can do is tell your friends and relatives
your preference. Then, when others ask, your family and
friends can say that you would prefer money because you
are... (i.e. saving for a house, etc.).
Then, guests can do whatever they like. If they take the
hint - GREAT - but if they don't, accept the gift with a
gracious thank you!
Even if you prefer money, it is still a good idea to register
for gifts. Then, people who wish to purchase a gift for
you can still find something for you that you want. In the
end, if you decide that you really need the money more than
the gifts, you will know where to return them.
How can I let people know that I don't want children at
the wedding?
The only thing you can do is NOT include the children's
names on the invitations. However, you will find that some
people will still bring their children.
So you might want to be prepared with a "kids' table"
that includes crayons, coloring books, and candy. Some brides
even hire a babysitter to look after the children at the
"kids' table."
Some brides are now having "adult only" printed
on their invitations. (I wouldn't encourage this; it's often
received as being rude.) Even then, some people ignore the
printing and assume "their children" are invited.
Who Pays for What?
A growing trend today is for wedding expenses to be shared
among the bride's family, the bride and groom, and the groom's
family. Here is the traditional list of "Who Pays for
What"
Bride and her family:
~ fee for church/temple and all ceremony accessories
~ reception site rental and all professional
party services
~ floral arrangements for ceremony and reception,
plus bouquets for bridesmaids and flower girls
~ invitations, announcements, and other stationery
~ bride's dress, veil, and accessories
~ photography and videography
~ transportation of wedding party to ceremony
and reception sites
Groom and his family:
~ bride's engagement ring and wedding bands
~ rehearsal dinner and groom's wedding clothes
~ bride's bouquet, boutonnieres for men in
the wedding party, and corsages for mothers
and grandmothers
~ marriage license and officiant's fee
~ honeymoon
How many invited guests should I expect will actually attend
my wedding?
The general rule of thumb is if you're having over 200 guests,
then you can estimate that about 25-28% of your guests will
be unable to attend. If you are having less 200 guests,
then the percentage usually decreases to about 15-20% or
less. Other factors include how many guests you invite that
live out-of-town and the travel distance required to attend
the wedding.
Remember, every family (and guest list is different) - so
always be prepared in case EVERYONE is able to come!
What are the Maid of Honor's Responsibilities?
The main role of the maid of honor is to help the bride
with the wedding planning. This can include shopping for
dresses, addressing invitations, putting together favors
and just being there when the bride needs some extra help,
support or someone to talk to. On the day of the wedding,
she should be dressed and ready to help the bride get ready.
The M.O.H. should be available to help the bride with anything
she may need before the ceremony and to help keep her calm.
During the ceremony, the M.O.H. should make sure that the
bride's train and veil are properly in place, have the groom's
ring, and hold the bride's bouquet when necessary. Be thoughtful
as an M.O.H., this is your best friend's biggest day; try
to do things for her that relieve her stress and make her
special day perfect.
If you still want more guidance, please feel free to contact
me or look into the several "Guides to being an attendant"
that you can find at your local bookstore.
What is appropriate to wear for a second wedding?
No matter whether it is your first, second, or third wedding,
the focal point is still the wedding dress. Many second-time
brides choose a simpler, more elegant or sophisticated wedding
dress. Many choose a floor length or cocktail length dress
in white, off-white or a pretty pastel.
Many "etiquette experts" advise second-time brides
to not wear a veil or a long train for their second wedding.
This is your day, wear what YOU want to wear! Maybe you
had a very small first wedding and now you want to go all
out, do it! Wear what makes you feel beautiful!
How Do I Personalize my Wedding?
There are plenty of tips and ideas to make your wedding
unique and personal.
Only YOU can decide which ones reflect your personalities.
Think about what is important to you and your fiance. Think
about special interests or hobbies that you share together.
There might be a special place - the beach or some quaint
little bed and breakfast you went when he proposed. Incorporate
THESE elements and these "feelings" into your
wedding, and it will be truly unique and personal.
Should I Tip My Wedding Vendors?
Your caterer or reception site serving the food will include
their gratuities with your bill. So, a tip is not expected.
As for your other vendors (band or DJ, limo driver, photographer,)
a tip is not required. However, if you feel a vendor went
"above and beyond the call of duty," then feel
free to provide them with an extra tip. If you are concerned
whether or not a vendor is "expecting" a tip,
then discuss it with them.
What fee should I pay my clergy?
This can be a tough one... most clergy do not have a "fee"
but instead ask for a donation. In this case, anywhere from
$50 - $100 or more. A lot depends on how well you know them
and whether or not counseling sessions were involved.
If you are still unsure what the appropriate amount should
be, then talk to the church secretary and ask for an "acceptable
range" for a donation.
A friend of mine has asked me to be in her house party for
their wedding. I really don't know what a 'house party'
is for, or what their role is. I've only been a bridesmaid
before in others. Could you clarify a little?
-Debbie
The house party is usually a group of the bride's close
friends that she trusts to take care of small details the
day of the wedding when bridesmaids will be unavailable
to "run around." You may be asked to help write
down gifts at showers, serve wedding cake, attend the guest
book, help direct guests for the "send off", package
a "care package" meal from their reception food
to take back to the hotel, pack up the top tier of the cake,
or even go find Aunt Faye before the wedding to help fix
the bride's makeup after crying.
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